


Fifty Shades of Starish

by Zara Allegra Vespertine (Zara_Allegra_Vespertine)



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Broccoli, Crush, Erotica, Fanfiction, Fangirl, Fifty Shades of Grey, Gen, Group discussions, Guys don't understand erotica, Harem, Music, Pop Culture, Porn, Sex, Shoujo, Starish members are curious on erotica, book hunting, clueless, discussions, idol, idol group, jpop - Freeform, mom porn, music school, pop idols, reverse-harem - Freeform, virgin, virgin ears, what boys talk about, what guys talk about, when shoujo and pop culture collide, when your crush actually reads erotica
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 08:58:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3686178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zara_Allegra_Vespertine/pseuds/Zara%20Allegra%20Vespertine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fifty Shades of STARISH (or How STARISH Members are Amazingly Curious About Fifty Shades of Grey). It's Friday night and it's raining heavily. What a perfect time to explore and discuss something that's been on each STARISH member's mind: the phenomenon of Fifty Shades of Grey. Why was it so popular and what made it so controversial? Comedy attempts, erotica-related terms, OOCness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fifty Shades of Starish

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah. Was a little bored with packing my luggage and decided to take a break. Got some ideas lurking in my brains and the urge to write a quick one-shot is too great. As usual, my attempts for comedy is not first rate. I only aim to strive for improvements.  
> Oh hey! First episode for Season 3 is released today. I wonder how it goes?  
> For any grammar mistakes and inconsistencies, do post a review or pm me. I will try to amend them as best as I could.

“What are you guys up to?” Ren Jinguuji clapped one hand on the shoulders of his groupmates, Syo Kurusu, Otoya Ittoki, Natsuki Shinomiya and Cecil Aijima.

All four of his team members jumped about guiltily. Natsuki Shinomiya almost hitting the tall stacks of hard-bound _Lord of the Rings_ books, while Syo Kuruso stumbled, stepping a little on the shoelaces of his sneakers, and banged his head on Cecil Aijima’s chin.

“Ow!”

“Idiot!”

“Watch out!”

A few of the patrons inside the establishment stared at them for a full second before going back to what they were doing; sipping mugs of tea and hot chocolate and turning pages of the books they were engrossed with. Friday night with the rain pouring hard outside has made the establishment a little more crowded than usual.

Ren Jinguuji raised his eyebrows in amusement, snapped shut the book of Neil Strauss’ The Game he was perusing and folded his toned arms across his chest.

“Okay, spill it out. You can’t tell me you guys are here buying books on a busy Friday night.” He leaned against the wooden shelf beside him filled with science fiction books and waited for an answer.

“It would be _more feasible_ for us to buy books here than you, Jinguuji. Why aren’t you out with your hoards of flings and partying at a bar? ” Syo stuck out his tongue, irritated at having been caught. Always in a defensive mode, Syo never seem to run out of his signature quips at his womanizing reputation.

Ren smirked and gave them a onceover as if to say, _why do you care how I spend my Friday nights?_

 _Coffee, Tea and a Book,_ is a popular hangout by people of all ages alike outside Gakuen Saotome. Its huge three-story floor space constructed with massive windows and green wall were filled floor to ceiling with books, periodicals, magazines, newspapers, writing tools and journals for book lovers and writing enthusiasts. The bookshop is well known for its sophisticated coffee blends, tea lattes and desserts, while letting the customers read the book display samples for free. If a customer enjoyed a particular book and wants to buy a copy, he or she can approach a staff and request for a new one and pay for it at the cashier.

A lot of people love this concept as it helps them decide first hand whether they would enjoy a book without spending money first. Besides, the proprietor is a great lover of coffee and books and would always do a weekly book recommendation himself.

“Well?” Ren prompted his groupmates, intent on not letting them getaway. He was getting bored after his date had to cancel at the last minute. A little pissed off about this, he decided to kill time by hanging out here before going back to his dormitory.

The faces of the four ranged from pink to downright tomato-red, each of them unwilling to divulge what they were doing there in the first place.

And then Ren caught Otoya’s eye as he glanced one more time at the bookshelf display behind them.

_Interesting._

“You’re curious about _Fifty Shades of Grey?”_ he said in a matter-of-factly tone. He tried to suppress his laughter.

“Otoya!” Syo hissed, annoyed at having their friend, giving a hint on something so obvious.

“What?” Otoya scratched his chin. “We’ve been standing here for quite some time, and not even one of us wants to approach and get a copy of the book. Might as well we get Jinguuji to buy one for us.” Indeed, just approaching the bookshelf was like approaching a landmine, there are so many people who could see them.

“I agree.” Cecil added, shrugging his shoulders. ‘I don’t see what the fuss is all about _that_ book. The cover photo doesn’t give away anything. I mean, is it a cop and robber story? There’s some handcuffs and masks-!”

“Shh!” Syo made a mad scramble to cover Cecil’s mouth for being way too loud about his opinions.

“Syo-kun! Let’s go home! We can look for a copy of the movie.” Natsuki whined. Natsuki was reluctant to join them earlier on the account that he was excited to watch the new episodes of _How to Cook That by Anne Reardon_ which was uploaded via _Youtube_ a day before.

“Shut it!” Syo growled, face beet-red now, “I should have left you back in the room with your how-to-cook-it videos!”

Ren glanced at Syo’s irritated face, to Natsuki’s whiny one, to Otoya’s exasperated expression and Cecil’s uncaring attitude before he burst out laughing, unable to hold back any longer. Oh his Friday night is not so boring anymore!

All four of them began to shoot him murderous looks as more and more people began to notice them again for the ruckus they are causing. One of the bookstore’s staff was on the verge of approaching them to enquire what the problem was, but decided against it, when she saw who they were. Starish group members normally boost sales when they are in the store hanging out, so the proprietor of the bookshop normally let’s them do what they want provided it doesn’t cause too much of a scene or trouble to his customers. Clever little businessman.

“Tsk, tsk. I came here to check what the fuss is all about and look who we have here!” Masato Hijirikawa was holding a thick tome on one hand and a large cup of steaming coffee on the other. The empty two-seater he was eyeing was taken when his attention was diverted by his groupmates.

“Why, Hijirikawa I thought you are going off to your calligraphy class? I didn’t know you were the sort of person to play hooky!” he gave his roommate a teasing wink.

Hijirikawa lifted one eyebrow up. “My sensei need to go back early because her daughter is sick. I decided to spend time here and check out the owner’s collection of poetry.”

Ren licked his lips, “That’s too bad. I would _kill_ to spend time with Sakamoto-sensei. She’s got..killer reflexes when it comes to using her hands.”

Masato stiffened, looking a little insulted at Jinguuji’s sexual innuendoes on his teacher. “You always have a terrible habit of chasing anything wearing a skirt, Jinguuji.” He snipped. He dared not show on his face that he was wondering the same thing every time he sees Iya Sakamoto-sensei’s slender fingers.

“Guys, guys!” Otoya decided to break up the brewing fight between his groupmates. Jinguuji always has a bad habit of provoking anyone with his teasing, especially when it comes to Masato. Call it a perverse way of showing brotherly affection. Hijirikawa has always been the most affected and defensive when Ren Jinguuji starts teasing. “Should we just find a place to sit and discuss _the book?_ ” He glanced at the group of females gathering around them slowly, looking star-struck at the sight of Starish’ most popular girl-magnets.

“It’s _Fifty Shades of Grey,_ Otoya.” Natsuki chimed innocently, uncaring that his voice became a little loud. “Why do you and Syo keep on calling it _the book_ when it has a title?” he asked, puzzled.

Syo slapped a palm on his forehead, looking exasperated. “God, Natsuki. Didn’t I tell you that it’s a little inappropriate to call _the book_ by its official title, given the nature of it’s contents? You-“

“I am wondering on that too, Syo.” Cecil interrupted him, folding his arms across his chest. “I mean, you and Otoya keep on yabbering about it’s BDSM content and how it’s not for the faint-hearted. But why are there a lot of ladies reading it? I don’t get it! And you still haven’t explained what butt-plugs and BDSM is all about-“

“Okay!” Otoya clamped a hand over Cecil”s mouth, “That’s enough Aijima. I see some vacant seats over there, lead the way!” he replied sheepishly, and began to nudge him to move.

Ren Jinguuji’s shoulders began to shake. Masato Hijirikawa glared at his roommate and whirled about to reprimand Syo- obviously the instigator of this bizarre trip to the bookstore to discuss erotic books. Such reading material is not appropriate for a scion of the esteemed Hijirikawa, let alone be within arms reach of such bawdy reading material.

“You guys ought to find a better way to discuss such topics. Everybody can hear you all over the place!”

Syo frowned, noting Hijirikawa’s ears turning red. “Stop acting all high and mighty, Hijirikawa! You act like you know what we are talking about when it’s obvious you don’t know anything! Your ears are turning red!” he accused.

Masato Hijirikawa dropped his mouth open. _How dare he insinuate he_ doesn’t know anything?!

Ren began to howl with laughter. “That’s what you get for being such a prude!” he added, hysterical now.

“What’s the hold-up?”

Masato Hijirikawa was saved from finding an appropriate retort and further embarrassment by another interruption. Everybody, except Jinguuji turned and saw Tokiya Ichinose whose arms are filled with books on musical theory.

“That’s a lot of books!” Otoyo commented immediately, relieved that they have something to change the topic. Tokiya is the most sensible member of their group. And he always like to know more about the music industry given that he has more experience in show business. He puts in a lot of effort to improve their performances with his in-depth knowledge.

Tokiya Ichinose brushed off his roommate’s admiring glance at the number of books he was holding. “I’ve got a bit of time, and decided to buy some for bedtime reading.” He tried not to sound entitled, but his groupmates are not being serious about improving their performances unlike him. Otoya seemed to wilt at the disapproval look on his face.

“So does _Fifty Shades of Grey_ count as a good bedtime reading?” Natsuki pointed innocently at one of the books slotted in between _Hal Leonard Pocket Music Theory: A Comprehensive and Convenient Source for All Musicians_ and _Music Notation in the Twentieth Century: A Practical Guidebook._

The rest of the Starish members followed the direction of Natsuki’s finger, faces looking dumbfounded by the fact that even _the_ sensible and reliable Tokiya Ichinose is curious about _Fifty Shades of Grey._

He stood there unable to answer. “Urm..” he uttered awkwardly, attempts finally out in the open. His face turned pink.

“Ha!” Syo couldn’t wipe the smug off his face. “Even Ichinose has to lower his reading standards when it comes to something that all the women are talking nonstop about!”

Ren was practically crying from laughing so much.

Masato Hijirikawa wanted to conk his roommate with the book he was holding, but he tried to rein his annoyance. There were a lot of female fans lurking outside their group bubble trying to get closer. “Oh for the love of God! Stop laughing Jinguuji! Not everyone has the same experience as you!” He gave Ichinose a sympathetic glance as if to say, _I’m with you, bro. You need not be ashamed. I don’t know much about those stuff too!_

Tokiya shrugged. “Fine, you got me.” He squared his shoulders in defeat. “At least, I’ve mustered enough guts to get one myself and just be done with it!” he added, a little too late of an attempt to save face.

“Yeah, yeah.” Otoya shook his head, trying to suppress a smile. His roommate is not so unapproachable after all. It’s all thanks to _Fifty Shades of Grey._ What a way to break his misconception about his friend. He didn’t know that Tokiya is on the same level as them when it comes to such topics. “Bet you sneaked a copy when no one was looking.”

Except for Tokiya, they all agreed.

 

* * *

 

“Well, well. Starish members are all here! What a surprise!” Tomochika Shibuya shifted the basket of fashion magazines she was holding.

All seven members froze on spot before turning their heads around. They were not expecting to see Tomochika Shibuya here, let alone…

“Hi guys!” Haruka Nanami greeted them enthusiastically approaching their table, hefting her own basket of books while holding her own paper cup of tea latte. “I didn’t know there’s a rehearsal tonight?”

There was a chorus of explanations as each of the Starish members shuffled around the table, covering the books they were reading with gusto; newspapers, poetry books, coffee-table books practically flying about and hastily being placed on top.

“Ms. Nanami!” Otoya’s elbow hit the stack of magazines in front of him, scattering some on the floor.

“Little lamb! Glad to see you!” Jinguuji’s smile looked too bright.

“Haru-chan! I am looking for some great new cake recipes-!” Natsuki waved a book that doesn’t looked like it was a cake recipe book in the first place.

“Erm, just browsing around…” Cecil Aijima looked vague.

“No rehearsal!” Syo replied a little too hastily.

“We happen upon each other-“ Tokiya Ichinose opened a thick book upside down.

Tomochika Shibuya raised her eyebrows in suspicion when she saw their guilty expressions. _Hmmmm.._

“No wonder the bookshop seems crowded tonight. Our superstar idols are lending a little publicity.” Tomochika began to pace a little around the table the young men occupied. She lowered her eyelashes, trying to peek into Masato Hijirikawa’s shoulder. He seemed so absorbed with what he was reading earlier that his eyes were like saucers gobbling up each page…. The book on his hand looked a _little familiar._

“How about you take a seat yourself and relax while reading your magazines?” Ren Jinguuji stood up, grabbed a couple of free seats from a nearby vacant table and bustled around to force the rest of his group members to give space for the two ladies. “We’re just perusing the latest news on pop-culture.” He nudged at Masato who snapped his book shut, ears red. He almost spilled his own disposable cup of coffee.

“Just hanging. Throwing some topics to discuss.” Masato glared at Jinguuji as if to say _Don’t mess this!_ , voice somewhat high pitched and a little constrained. Then he noted Haruka Nanami was hovering a little from their table, unsure whether to join in.

“You can take this seat.” Masato offered the seat beside him generously.

“Are you sure? I seemed to have interrupted some important discussion tonight.” Haruka fidgeted a little, face blushing with embarrassment for disturbing her friends.

“Positive!” they all chorused, sounding squeaky and nervous at the same time.

Tomochika looked around and took her own vacant seat next to Syo and sat down when she saw her bestfriend taking a seat.

As to be expected, all of the Starish members seemed mesmerized by her friend’s presence tonight. _Eat your hearts out, boys._ She muffled a giggle.

Indeed, Haruka Nanami took great pains tonight with her outfit, excited to wear her new grey knitted sweater her grandmother made. She completed it with a fuchsia colored scarf, jeans and camel-colored boots.

Tomochika took advantage of a distracted Cecil and stole a glance at the bookmarked book he was holding beneath the table.

 _Well, well, well. It seems like Fifty Shades of Grey is a seriously discussed hot topic for our boys tonight._ She took another sweeping glance and saw that each of the young men was trying to hide their own copies of the controversial book underneath the other books they scattered on the table.

She bit her lower lip, grabbed one of her fashion magazines and used it as a shield to cover her face. _They would be in a shock when they find out._

She decided to just sit quiet and observe their reactions, sneaking a look at her friend who began to remove the books from the basket she was holding. Haruka Nanami was having a hard time choosing which books to buy that she suggested she read them out first before she make a decision. That’s when they saw Starish members sitting in one of the coveted tables in the bookstore. The proprietor was way sneaky putting the boys on display for all the customers coming in the shop to get away from the heavy rains outside. They were the first things to see when one enters the bookshop.

Haruka began to stack her books in front of her in a neat pile one by one:

 _The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty_ by A. N. Roquelaure (There was a small hush from Cecil)

 _Tropic of Cancer_ by Henry Miller. (Did Tokiya just choked?)

 _The Story of O_ by Pauline Réage aka Anne Desclos (Otoya’s eyes bulged)

 _The Sexual Life of Catherine M._ by Catherine Millet (Ren Jinguuji’s jaw dropped to the floor)

 _A Girl Walks Into a Bar_ _by_ _Helena S. Paige_ (Syo gave a small moan)

 _Lady Chatterley's Lover_ _by D. H. Lawrence_ (Masato almost squished the top of his coffee cup as he attempted to take a drink)

And finally….

_Simply Sexual_ _by Kate Pearce (Natsuki’s eyeglasses fogged up)_

Haruka was not bothered at all by the reactions of them all. She was too preoccupied by her dilemma of choosing which books to buy. After she finished stacking the pile, she took the top book, cracked it open and leaned back against the chair to make herself comfortable. Absentmindedly, she took the plastic stirrer from her latte, placed it on her mouth and turned a page. She bit the stirrer and made tiny sucking noises.

No one dared breathe.

Tomochika gave an unladylike snort and let them simmered. Unbeknownst to the rest of them, Haruka contributes part time in a women’s magazine, writing interesting articles in between composing songs. Since _EL James’_ movie is slated to come out soon, the magazine has asked her to recommend some erotic books that readers might appreciate. Haruka has a healthy appetite when it comes to book reading and isn’t shy about delving into controversial topics such as erotica and bondage.

Only a roommate such as herself has this privilege of knowing this. Shining Saotome is aware of her part time job himself and decided to let her do her work. It’s a way to improve her writing and composing skills.

Poor Starish. She wonders how will they recover from this?

She took one final look at her friends, before she continued reading the magazine. She’d give Haruka twenty minutes before she advise her to buy all of it and continue reading it back in their dormitory. She’d bet her whole collection of Chanel earrings, there would be some shortage of cold water tonight in the boys’ dormitory when they attempt to drown their awe and shock on the shower.

 

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of pop-culture references which I do not own the copyrights: Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James, Youtube, Chanel, Neil Strauss’ The Game, The Lord of the Rings, How to Cook That by Anne Reardon, Hal Leonard Pocket Music Theory: A Comprehensive and Convenient Source for All Musicians and Music Notation in the Twentieth Century: A Practical Guidebook.  
> Also: The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by A. N. Roquelaure, Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller, The Story of O by Pauline Réage aka Anne Desclos, The Sexual Life of Catherine M. by Catherine Millet, A Girl Walks Into a Bar by Helena S. Paige, Lady Chatterley's Lover by D. H. Lawrence, and Simply Sexual by Kate Pearce are real erotic books available in bookshops and online book stores. I read a couple of them myself. They are not my cup of tea, but it’s interesting enough for some ‘light’ reading. Not recommended for underage readers. Wait a while until you get to a certain age before you start reading such stuff. You need to have an open mind when perusing such materials. Plus, it’s not truly healthy to based standards of relationship like Anastasia Steele. There’s no such person as Mr. Grey. Yeah, I read the book. Only the first book. Didn’t bother to read the remaining two books. To be frank, Anastasia annoys me. LOL.


End file.
